The act of seeing and the visuals have become so common to us that they go unnoticed. The way we see a certain thing/situation or a fellow human being, that gaze can set in motion a series of events which lead to consequences that affect a much larger group of people. This gaze then also goes on to define or even create hierarchies and further a possibility of exploitation. This phenomenon is very central to sexual abuse. By “Seeing Through”, I refer to seeing beyond what is presented – attempting to have a deeper understanding, as well as the act of intruding someone’s privacy.

Set on the premise of my own past experience of sexual abuse, ‘Seeing Through’ begins to deal with the occurrence, experience and effects of it. It is an expression that stems from the dualities that arise in response to being violated. It makes apparent the role of people’s perception, lack of accountability and blame on the person on the receiving end of such an offence. It is how the reception plays a part in how I’ve made sense of myself. I work with my body as a site to address the very apparent physical nature of the abuse and the intangible aspects of feeling violated even without physical proximities. I attempt to question and re-form my ideas and understanding of love, longing, desire and intimacy which have had layered influences. While working with both, the tangible and intangible aspects, the process becomes equally important, with chance playing a crucial role.

The work consists of a collage of black and white archival inkjet prints of self-portraits taken in the studio. The photographs use abstraction of bodily forms and The photograms – silver gelatin prints made in the darkroom by placing various objects, digital negatives and hand-written text, onto the photographic paper and then exposed and developed, they are experiments in working with compositions. The book form brings together a narrative using photographs and poetic text as opposed to descriptive information.

This is an attempt of acceptance by letting myself gain a sense of agency and acknowledging the contradicting emotions that arise. It is about trying to no longer let people’s actions, and their consequences define me as a person while also not forgetting the significant ways in which they have impacted. This is a process that has begun many times and I’m taking a leave from the compulsion of finding life lessons. This is a non-linear progression.